This is an attempt at songwriting. I envision it as a driving rock ballad that you’d want to HEADBANG to! Or maybe just bang your head against something to make it stop. Partial blame must fall upon my brother Dusty, who inspired the whole thing long, long ago.

There was a ruckus on the plains
As the dodo took the reigns
We could see off in the distance
That we were headed towards resistance
And an end to our existence

They were tiny, truth be told
But in numbers they grew bold
Their waffles sharp as razors
Aim guided by lasers
And led by Brendan Fraser

We were under…

Pygmy fire!
Heavy pygmy fire!

We’re gonna need some back up
Or else we’ll get jacked up
Cause we’re under

Pygmy fire!

The dodo was the first to go
When a waffle sliced his toe
He careened off and into the grass
Screaming like a little lass
As another pygmy bit his ass

Our cyborg archers couldn’t keep them at bay
As we took cover behind a cafeteria tray
All our hopes began to ebb away
And Captain Obvious felt the need to say

We are under…

Pygmy fire!
Heavy pygmy fire!

Get some coffins at the ready
We’re gonna be dead soon, see?
Cause we’re under

Pygmy fire!

[FURIOUS GUITAR SOLO]

 
We were furiously scribbling away on our wills
When Zombie General Custer emerged from the hills
Leading a cavalry of barbeque grills
And popping a variety of prescription pills

One force smashed against the last
Our fears began to fade into the past
As the grills set the pygmy loincloths aflame
And the waffle-wielders retreated in shame
They were serious times, but it was the end of the game

We’re no longer under…

Pygmy fire!
Heavy pygmy fire!

An undead jerk with charcoal-fueled minions
Turned the tide on the popular opinion
That we’re under…

PYGMY!
PYGMY!

PYGMY!
GODDAMNED!
FIIIIIIRE!